PISSED OFF

we got no food, we got no jobs, OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!!!

let me suck YOU

i can't decide if this weekend was chill or not. it definately wasn't cheap and i miss my hoodie but i do love the beach and putt putt golf, perverted old men, lots of hush puppies and fresh grapes. either way i'm back now and im in the worst mood ever cause work sucks chode and certain people suck and richmond weather sucks. i can't wait to peace this place. i need to get rich and open up my bakery. i wish i had pictures to post of this weekend but i got lazy and took one picture of a demonic horse which actually might get posted later. so yeah..



las vegas soooooooooooon!

all the way to the waves

since wilmington got shit canned this weekend i'm going on a roadtrip. its going to be interesting and hopefully awesome. theres no plans whatsoever, except for nags head on about mondayish. just straight driving. i wanna find weird places to stay or camp. i read that book Weird Virginia the other night and there was some freak nasty shit that i wanna go see, like haunted caves and mysterious gardens with cave man statues! anyways i'm going to take a ton of pictures, eat lots of food, listen to some new music i bought, buy random things and straight chill. i'm very excited. i need to get out of this place for awhile.

fuck your yankee blue jeans

This picture has nothing to do with anything besides chilling with my favorite person in the whole world. It just makes me happy. And hayley came down to see me tonight and it was jawesome. We went to a wack show full of indian style sitting preteen girls waiting to lick the salt off of jesse laceys nut sack but upon realizing this peaced it to go hit a bowl and and hit up panera and barnes and noble. You know what doesn't make me happy? After being late to work for literally a year and a half i was approached today and told that human resources have noticed i've been late 10 times (yeah....in my bra!) and that i need to start coming in on time. On time meaning i have a 6 minute window between my set start time which is typically 7:30. 7:37 is late. This is an issue since i'm not just 10 minutes late i'm like "start when i want" late. Like 8am is an early start for me. It's not that i'm upset that i got caught, i'm actually pretty proud of myself for making it this far. I'm just bummed cause now i have to wake up an extra early. Sucks man, sucks. Oh well i'm gonna quit soon so i can open my bakery and get busy livin'.

Oh and while at B & N tonight i read some of the HP and holy shit, i mean i know i'm like way behind in the game but it's INSANE. I also read the book Weird Virginia. It was jawesome. I want to buy it and spend a weekend going to all the shit in there. Suprisingly there is like 20 things in NOVA, most of them i've seen or done but some of them thats def on my new to do list.

Wilmington this weekend. so stoked. i'm just going to sleep on the beach so i don't have to pay for a hotel..CHYEAH right. who the fuck am i kidding? where on the beach can you plug in a hair straightener????UH NOWHERE.

Kay time to do a little remodeling to the iphone. BUH BYE

FUCK OLDS

okay so i work in the endoscopy department at the hospital as some of you may or may not know . so in endo we do esophagogastroduodenoscopies (i know, wtf!) colonoscopies, bronchoscopies and other gross stuff like feeding tubes. there is nothing cute about wha hoppens down here.i think sometimes if someone where to make list of jobs that suck, being hurled on by blacks that drink 9 and half gallons of liquor a day, and holding old peoples ass cheeks shut so they don't shit themselves, and filling peoples lungs up with water and watching the drown to death would be pretty far up there. don't get me wrong it does have its perks like when i get woken up at 3am to come pull a dog kong out of a black man's colon. AWESOME! (yeah i got pics). But that is not what this is about...


this is about old assholes. not literally but yeah that too. but more so old people that are dickheads. i know i'm young compared to their prehistoric asses, and i bet i look younger than i am but honestly what inspires people to get me such shit about my age. i mean its not like i work with a lot of old people. i'm the youngest by like 4 years everyone is their late twenties to late thirties and yet i'm the only one that get comments. "ARE YOU SKIPPING CLASS TODAY?!" thats a good one, sir. or "Am i the first person you've done this on? or the second?" burrrrn. and the thing is its soley based upon my looks. I would understand if i tried to stick a mouth piece for a gastro in their rectum and i didn't know what the hell i was doing but i do. ive been here for almost two years and i'm good at my job. so what absolutely baffles me is why in THE fuck would you be a smart ass to someone who is going to control the amount of pain you feel when a 3 foot long hose is stuck up your ass up into your small bowel? WHY?! i can make it really easy for you or you can keep running your toothless mouth and see how much fun we have getting out those polyops.its like talking shit to a cop. not a good idea folks. fucking old ass dinosaurs. sorry i'm young! sorry i don't have a fat ass! sorry my 'roids aren't flairing up! sorry i can go in public without crapping my pants, sorry i know how to chew my GOD DAMN FOOD, sorry i'm not DYING OF CANCER!

and don't try to tell me i'm fucked up for hating old people. try hanging out with 30 of them a day and talking to them about their bowel movements and then seeing them naked and cleaning their shit up when the shit themselves...and they do, and then you see how much love you got for old man rivers.

why i hate debbie gibson

for those of you who may not know me as well as others, i grew up in a town called springfield. if you are my good friend you have probably made springfield jokes with me before. and that's perfectly appropriate because the part of virginia i lived in, was hick to say the least. this was a town where the average age for bearing your first child was sixteen. a town where it was perfectly acceptable to ride horses around the same dirt track at the local middle school that was mecca for such physical fitness feats as the mile run and the forty yard dash. a town where we played bombardment using horse and/or cow paddies (a.k.a. SHIT) as ammo. a town where a man decided to run for mayor and subsequently changed the name of his black lab puppy from "spooky" to "inka" for fear of the losing the votes of the three black people who lived there and probably weren't voting anyway. you get where i am going with this. this place fucking sucked.
i am beyond grateful that when i was twelve my family decided to move to fairfax, a far more civilized place. in the event that i had stayed in springfield, what would i have turned out like today? i would no doubt have a kid or two or three, and probably a minimum wage job at the dairy queen. i would have never had access to the dynamite orthodontic team in burke which transformed my severely bucked teeth into the million dollar smile i have today over the span of five years, had i never moved. frankly, i don't want to think about it. the only good thing that could have possibly resulted from staying in springfield is i would probably be a hell of a horseback rider by now. but really, where does that get you in the real world? to the olympics, and then after that you go back home and rot. so hooray for moving! at any rate, the neighbor i was speaking about before, the one who ran for mayor (and ended up losing), had a son named joel. joel had a mullet and joel was fat. he also had a speech impediment. for instance, our dog's name was kelso, but joel always pronounced it "kasso". my guess is that somewhere along the line, joel's mother fucked her brother or cousin, and that is how the boy came to be. joel was three or four years younger than my sister, sarah who was about seven or eight. because joel lived next door, he and my sister quickly became best friends. they did everything together. and by everything, i mean they compared hotwheels cars and played swords. they were really tight like that, and it was a beautiful thing.it was around this time when colombia house sent my family that beautiful sheet of stamps we all know and love, that presents you with the option of getting 12 free cd's or tapes, ALL FOR THE PRICE OF ONE PENNY! my family went buck nutty with this. yours did too, admit it. it was incredible! everyone was allowed to pick three selections. so i picked what were obviously the best three of all: rick astley (self titled), paula abdul (forever your girl), and debbie gibson (electric youth), all on cassette! from the day we sent out this mailer, i anxiously awaited the arrival of these cassettes. like, they were going to sound so awesome in my red boombox! and the day they finally came was even more exciting. i can still smell the enticing scent of fresh new cassettes when i reflect upon this. i must have spent all day listening to the debbie gibson tape. it was so awesome! and it featured such hits as `out of the blue' and `electric youth'! you just couldn't go wrong! ...or so i thought. soon i was going to learn that you could, in fact, go very very wrong.i had transported the aforementioned red boombox outdoors, so that i could do the illest shit of all: hang out on the swingset AND listen to my new tape! it was enough to make me explode. it took me all of three minutes to set up shop and i was ready to fucking swing and listen to some bitchin' tunes. my sister and joel were outside like they always were. they were doing one of their favorite things: putting a bunch of shit in an empty sandbox we had, pouring water on it, and stirring it up with sticks. kind of like witches around a potion, only more primitive and more pointless. there was a shitload of mud in the sandbox, along with wood chips, leaves, berries, and other delights from the outdoors. my sister and joel were stirring this mixture around really fast. it was getting intense. i could have cared less though. on the swingset with my red boombox blasting the anthems of the eighties debutantes i so longed to be, nothing else mattered to me. occasionally i would look over to where my brother and joel were stirring things up in the sandbox, a few feet away, just to see if they were looking over at me and envying how cool i was. they never were, but i knew within the far reaches of my mind that they were only doing this business with the sandbox because they weren't radical enough to listen to debbie on the swingset. the next thing i knew, i looked over at the two of them, and joel was clutching at his stomach. i guess watching all of that crap mushed together in a circular motion in the sandbox was getting to him or something, because he had turned a faint shade of green. i knew what was going to happen, and it happened alright. joel opened up his mouth and out poured the sickest, most projectile, most melted-orange-cremesicle-esque vomit i have ever seen. and it just kept coming out, coming out, coming out, in more powerful bursts each time. the vomit was now in the sandbox along with all the other muck, as well as all over joel's shirt and shoes. and there was just so much of it! i was utterly disgusted by this and ran inside as fast as i could. to this day, i feel this way about vomit. i want nothing to do with it. if i see it, smell it, or hear it, it's probably coming up in less than thirty seconds. so no thanks. i was terrified and i didn't want to see any more of joel or his puke. i couldn't believe my sister was standing out there just hanging out with the barf! disgusting! i think she was even still stirring the contents of the sandbox as this was happening. what was wrong with her? it was then that it donned on me that i had left my precious red boombox outside, still playing the debbie gibson tape! i had to get it! not that it was close enough to get puked on or anything, but how was i going to continue getting cooler if my boombox was outside with pukers? i ran outside to get it, as fast as i could. by this time, joel was done vomiting, and his mother had come outside to wipe his face with a wet towel. the sandbox, filled with mud and the like, had random splatters of bright orange puke decorating it now. even the aftermath was enough to make me want to yak myself. i retrieved the boombox and ran back inside, but things were different now.when i thought about debbie gibson, or played her songs in my head, all i could envision was joel puking, and how horrible it smelled, and how wretched it was. all i could remember was how unexpected it was and how even though debbie was playing, i could still hear the vomiting, and it was still happening in my yard. from this day on, i have not been able to listen to debbie gibson. whenever she comes up even in conversations, i immediately make the mental connection to orange projectile vomit splattered on mud in a sandbox. i will forever attach the memory of my neighbor having the foulest throw up session in the world with her songs, and then the fear that i too may vomit rises in my soul. whenever i hear her songs, i will always remember this fateful day and how sick it was; how interrupted my total coolfest on the swingset was by my neighbor and my sister stirring up mud in the sandbox and the gruesome effects that it had on joel's stomach. i have never seen more vomit come out of one person in my life, and joel was a little guy. needless to say, this was the last time my sister and joel made concoctions in the sandbox together.and even more needless to say, this was the last time i ever selectively listened to debbie gibson.from this day forward, debbie gibson equals vomit. this is not a memory i wish to replay. not just because of hatred of puke, for i have come to terms with that as the years have passed and drunken nights have occurred. people vomit sometimes, i understand that. it is just the fear, the imagery, and mostly the feeling that i got this night that make me so turned off to debbie gibson. it was the worst night ever and i wish to never reflect on it again.

songs that totally kick assth according to katie i. (part one)

Okay as some of you may know i'm always saying "this is my favorite song EVER!" to pretty much every song. and you guys are like shut up katie "i'll make love to you" is not your favorite song EVER. maybe you're right. but it is a very good song OK?! and yeah i guess now looking back sugar ray's "fly" wasn't the "greatest song ever written". but it ruled at the time. so now i've composed a list of songs that i personally think kicksth assth and that have stood the test of time in my books and may not the awesome credit they deserve. some of you may disagree but whateves.it's not your list, its mine. here go some of them in no certain order:



josie by blink 182

there are a few things that can make a song awesome. obviously the musical part, the lyrics, the vibe, the time in your life it reminds you of, etc. i was a crazy blink 182 fan. like i should've been on fanatic. embarassing? maybe. but i know some folks that could say the same for koRn or ricky martin so....anyways this song was the first song by them and i fell so in love. so i'm up at 6am or whenever getting ready for school watching music videos and i see alyssa milano and i'm like wtf mate? so i turn it up and discover not only is this babe in the video but the dudes in the band are smoking hot annnd the song is totally adorb! and so i became obsessed with them and i went to sam goody's and got my dude ranch cassette, yeah cassette. ever since i heard josie i've wanted a guy to write me a song like that. Josie is so sweet because its not like "baby i love you" its likes "thanks for staying with my shitass i recognize you put up with a lot of shit and you're the best." which really, for the guys out there, is all girls want. we figure you don't notice or care about the little things we do for yall, like bring you food. so if you want your girlf to love you forever and maybe throw a beej your way, write her a josie song.

got you where i want you by the flys

i'm not even sure where i heard this song first. to be honest i don't anything about this song or the band. i just know i fucking love the song. its slow and sexy and a little grungey. the lyrics aren't too deep or meaningful and the music isn't real complicated. its a pretty simple song but i love it. i want to make out to it. i didn't develop my love for it til probably ten years after it came out. like a few years back i was at a party with friends and someone mentioned the song and we all just started yelling "ah ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh got you where i want you!" and then i was like oh yeah this song DOES fucking rule. i think of a few people when i hear this song but mostly sean berg cause we couldn't believe singing this song at parties, and alden wellman cause i think we tried to figure out the rap in his car one night. towards the end of the semi-grunge song it breaks into a reggae rap. it's kinda corny but whateve! so up until today when i googled that shit i always thought the rap was "sucka sucka ya know that i love ya bubabulabualbub buba we'll go undercova" STUPID I KNOW! man was i wrong, but i always am when it comes to filling in my own lyrics. turns out its "Suffer, suffer Ya dont get no rougher Rub it up baby girl Don't ya be like no other Suffer, sufferYa dont get no rougher When ya rock me baby Put me thing on me lover ". those are some freaky nasty lyrics. i like it.i don't know where he's going with that but i feel him.

hey jealousy by the gin blossoms

i know i say "favorite song ever" but this probably is my favorite song ever. the gin blossoms are underrated. they are awesome! they didn't have tons of hits but they had a solid few. i can listen to it on repeat for hours and still sing along and smile just as much as the first time i heard it. I love the song for the honesty. He's not like i'm the best dude in the world and i have a huge weiner. He's like don't expect a lot from me. i'm not perfect but i will love forever...or until i kill myself. SIKE he didn't say that in the song but it did end up killing himself. which makes me love this song more cause i like think he wrote it for this girl and she was like whateves so he didn't end up getting her and hes like well now this is happening and killed himself. stupid cave woman ass bitch ex girlfriend! it's probably NOT what happened but its a little more tragic/romantic that way. Anyways i love to drive around listening to this song. "tomorrow we can drive around this town, and let the cops chase us around.." totally reminds me high school. but the part that gives me little chills is "Cos all I really want's to be with you and feel like I matter too" i mean...AWWWWWWWWW! thats the cutest thing ever. EVER! the song is amazing.

if she wants me by belle and sebastian

i didn't come across this song til sophmore year in high school when my old boyfriends little sister made me a mix cd. this song from start to finish is amazing. the music is so uplifting and carefree. anytime i listen to it i just imagine driving down the prettiest country roads out in clifton, all my windows down and sunroof open, on a warm sunny day, with my hand out in the window in the wind. the lyrics are so true for me and for many i'm sure. sometimes you get caught up in wanting something and your so concerned and all the sudden you realize fuck it. cause sometimes nothing beats being happy and having good company. this song is beautiful. and i miss you jocelyn!

the promise by when in rome

let the record show i loved the song long before napoleon dynamite came out. i mean don't get me wrong i almost shit myself when i was in the movie theatre and they played it cause i thought i was the only freak in the world besides the members of when in rome that liked/knew of this song. basically what we have here is your typical 80's new wave song. it starts off with a piano and some inspirational notes that make me want to caaww like a seagull and take off flying. then comes the drum machine which makes you start dancing like a fag on ecstacy. then the singer comes in with a almost tranny like voice. i might have to find a picture to see if the visual in my head matches with that he looks like. i picture a cross between morissey and boy george. anyways i first heard this song at this weird gay bar, go figure, that i was dragged to by some friends. this song was the only highlight of that night and it haunted me for weeks with its super catchy beat. if you haven't heard it download it and it will haunt you too!

institutionalized by suicidal tendencies

this song is an obviously pick. listen to it. i don't know if its just me but i feel like deja vu when i hear this song. i remember my mom getting all nerdy on me and buying these "Surviving Teenagers" books and then staring at my all intense at dinner trying to apply some bs she learned earlier in the day from a parenting bible. Every single time i had a bad day i was "CLEARLY HIGH" and blah blah. Just listen to the song, there isn't much i can say for it that it doesn't say for itself. the whole song is a hilarious and genius.

" I go: Mom I'm okay, I'm just thinking.She goes: No you're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act that way!I go: Mom just give me a Pepsi please all i want is a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me!"

god i love it. and don't even get me started on how stoked i was when i found out it was in guitar hero....DONT EVEN.

crying.. or is it crazy..?..not its crying by aerosmith

i am NOT an aerosmith fan by anymeans. steven tyler freaks me out. however, this song is pretty sexual. even though it can absolutely be confused with the other aerosmith song crazy...which is also pretty good. i think i like it cause alicia silverstone was in the music video and i love her. but anyways its on the ipod and its one of the those songs where the louder you sing it the more badass it sounds. best song! not best dudes. aerosmith is definately homo.

okay i feel weird about these next couple songs cause i didn't want to have more than one song by the same artist but shit happens. especially when you are as incredible as ben folds. it would be impossible for me to pick A favorite ben folds song so i'll pick a couple. but for the record if you buy either the rockin the suburbs cd, sunny 16 cd , or the speed graphic cd you will not regret it.

rockin the suburbs by ben folds

it's about time someone wrote about the hardships of being white. you turn on 106.5 or any rap station and all you hear about is how hard it is growin up in the "projects"..waaah! how tough it is to push enough drugs to get some sick grills, oh poor babies! or how many people they had to kill to be the little shit they are today.. boo fucking hoo. ben folds addresses some REAL issues. Such as : "I'm pissed off, but I'm too polite,When people break in the McDonald's line." SHIT SUCKS! how many times are you being white just minding your business when some sonofa cuts in front of you. i'm not pointing any fingers (BLACK GIRLS) but its very upsetting on the soul. I'm so happy someone let the truth be known about middle class white people. Times IS hard.

theres always someone cooler than you by ben folds

i wish i had heard this song in high school. i was always worried about what other people thought about me but every once in a while i'd see some kid that everyone else thought was a weird loser and i would wish i was them. cause i could see they weren't a loser, they were proabably the tightest kid in the school they just didn't give a shit about what other people thought and because of that they were totally free to do whatever made them happy. so if they wanted to wear acid washed pants they could cause fuck everyone who didn't think it was cool. this song is about people who try so hard to be cool and in reality they will never be as cool as the people who don't care about being cool. i've definately been there before and this song put me in my place. and made me want to rock acid washed clothes and play a micro korg. besides its inspirational lyrics its insanely catchy and makes me smile like a tool whenever i listen to it.

keep your hands to yourself by the georgia satellites

whenever i hear this song it makes me want to put on my cowboy boots and chew a piece of hay. this is southern rock at its finest. The singer, dan baird, does this thing with his voice thats incredibly sexy. He somehow makes his voice crack similar to a 15 year old boy without the awkwardness. and check these bamf dudes out.

loud as hell indeed. i had no idea howard stern was in this band..

light and day by the polyphonic spree

the polyphonic spree is a force in itself. they didn't need to even write a song to make this list. just the fact that theres about 20 hippie ass people in white robes (until the recent anti-bush record they released where they now sport black robes in rebellion) that dance around ALWAYS smiling and spreading joy and for some terror, puts them on this list. it does help that the song magically releases endorphins and seratonin into your brain causing eurphoria for 3 minutes. but seriously who are these people? where did they come from? why does this song make me so happy? why can't i stop dancing when i hear this song?! i don't know! i'm fairly sure they are a cult. but thats cool cause they are a happy cult. this is the perfect song to start your morning with...or an acid trip.
i mean holy shit. look at these people! they have fiddles, and triangles, and tambourines for crying out loud. on top of all that they roll deep! it would be one thing if it was three dudes but its not. it's 20 people ages 9-40 all banned together for what?! i don't even know! but i want in on it. and is that pauly shore? i don't know!

the scientist by coldplay

all of coldplay's songs are beautiful but this song surpasses them all. this song makes me cry like nancy kerrigan. i know i said this list isn't in order but if it were this song would be top 3. i have never listened to the whole song without getting a little teary. there is something about it that i can't describe. this song reminds me of a special person that i lost and would give anything to have back for a day and change what happened. the music is sad but pretty and you can here the regret in chris martins voice. i don't want to get too mushy so i'll just leave it at i think this song is one of the most lovely songs ever written.