nothing new for trash like you

tonight i went out to eat at little saigon and had the previlege of dining amongst southside's finest. aka residents from Suburban Village mobile home park located directly behind good old little saigon. i've always been fascinated with trailer parks. i kinda want to live in one and make my trailer outrageous and funky, however the suburban village is not where i'd birth this dream cause its creepy, trashy, ghetto and an overall shithole. anyways so maddux and jake and i sit down in the booth in front of
this man and this lady .

who were on a sexy date.if possible the lady was even more of a hideous, crusty bitch than mimi bobeck and the man was another 200lbs fatter than sweet al. So we're talking when we all happen to hear something weird come from their table that caught our attention. "...chopping off wangs..." the man said. we all paused and looked at eachother for reassurance that we had heard correctly and then laughed it off. now it gets interesting so stay with me...then towards the end of our dinner the man who sounds just like slingblade starts boasting "I SHIT YOU NOT! I turn on the tv to watch jenny jones and sure as shit on one of them babies momma shows there she is. and i thought GOD DAMN that looks like cherrie an it aint until they show they names, but not the full name ya know just the first name, it say CHERRIE! JUST LIKE THAT! i said GOD DAMN thats her! ya know?".....Holy shit. Surely he was kidding right? wrong. he went on "i mean that bitch fucked me over good, i about went to get my new crossbow out cause that bitch made it so i aint even able to go back to my old town with all dem lies she told about me killin" then out of nowhere mimi bobeck pipes in with " HELL YEA I MEAN I STABBED SOMEONE WITH A FORK!"
First of all.... wow.
Second of all...WHAT A FUCKING AWESOME FIRST DATE CONVO! Part of me wishes i was slingblade so i could take this freaky fork bitch home for a hot time. I mean at this point they might as well get the check for multiple reasons. one, i hope to god she ordered soup because obviously utensils are an issue with mimi and two, how the hell is Al suppose to top that??? the conversation can't get any better. I mean he had me going for a minute with knowing someone one jenny jones and being an accused murderer. i have to say i was impressed. but mimi STRAIGHT UP took it to a new level. accused murderer? nah, she is an admittedly fork stabbin' mama.

now at this point i decided it was time for me to go so i peaced out and left maddux and jake to find out the rest of this awesome story. i personally didn't feel comfortable sitting back to back with a 200 pound lady that stabs other people with her utensils. after tonight though it only established my attraction to trailer parks and why i should one day live in one. i wouldn't even need a tv i would just go sit on my lawn chairs and watch husbands chase their wives with crossbows and fat girls stab neighbors with forks and egg beaters and juicers and god knows whatever else!!! so that concludes the hilight of my night. i'm going to go watch some movie thats supposed to be freaky nasty.

goodnight!


OH WAIT something else important to report about: i learned TWO new dirty proverbs recently. and now i present to you, chicken parm and bagpiping.

chicken parm: when you have sex on the beach and some sand gets inside the cooter, causing unpleasant and gritty chafing when the dick slides in and out, eventually resulting in blood
bagpiping: when a guy fucks a girl in her armpit, while her arm is against her torso